Sometimes life is not as we expect it ... For better and for worse, sometimes it surprises us with a change in the path that disrupts all the plans we had in mind. At this point, we have to accept our new destiny, be it easy or difficult to digest. And how? That's where a kind of secret mission that all parents have comes into play: that of build a gaze of love towards our children, a way of transmitting to them that we accept the challenges that life has given us and that together we will get out.
'It's a boy! Oh, I wanted a girl! '... Surely, more than one and more than one of us identifies with this expression, the day we are told the sex of our baby, and it does not fit with what we had anticipated . Sometimes, I express it as if we were going on a trip, and once we have our suitcase ready to leave the house, they call us to tell us that our trip is canceled. Or when, you prepare for a long time to enjoy and share quality time with your partner and the unforeseen happens that makes you disappointed because it is not possible to carry it out.
These examples are very explanatory about some of the expectations and frustrations, which we are able to accept in a short time and recover from them, quickly, even in hours. They are plans that you can end up substituting for others in a short time or even plans that you can substitute and end up saying, 'Thank goodness the other plan failed!'
However, there are other types of disappointments that we find much more difficult to deal with. Some of the changes that life brings us are more difficult to digest. This is the case, for example, when we are expecting our newborn baby and something unforeseen arises. We want him to be healthy, strong and, why not, the most handsome baby in the hospital. And what happens to us is that at the last minute, a problem arises and nothing is as expected…
I speak of congenital diseases with which a baby can be born or abnormalities not detected during pregnancy. Or perhaps the unforeseen event may arise at some point in our son's life, when he is diagnosed, for example, with ADD, ASD, ADHD, Asperger's ... They are situations that we do not expect and that accepting them takes us more than time. Sometimes life takes us on it.
Any of them will entail a process that, as such, may never occur. Even that, in the family, there is a separation due to lack of understanding and acceptance of the new reality that has arisen.
And what do we do in all these situations? How do we manage to accept what life has brought us? ACCEPTANCE is, today, a pending issue for many of us. Accept that important things don't turn out the way you expected it is hard to assimilate. Accepting, that nothing will be the same, from an unexpected moment or event, is to speak of major words in Emotional Intelligence.
Therefore, I appeal to the gaze. The gaze of love, as one more resource, to continue loving ourselves and to continue loving our children, relatives or events, regardless of the circumstances that are taking place. A look that conveys to our children that we are going to go all out to overcome that obstacle that has appeared to us. Let him talk about 'I love you just the way you are', 'don't worry, we will overcome it together', a look that speaks from the heart and tells you, 'this life lesson, we are also going to win' or that motto of the musketeers, who said 'one for all and all for one'. The look of love will be used to express what, sometimes, we cannot say with words.
Some parents, faced with a problem in life, only look out from sorrow, sadness or resignation, but theythe look of love is much more powerful. I really trust the look of a father and a mother, who speak to their children from self-pity. Self-compassion allows us to better manage difficult emotions (fear, anger, sadness, shame and doubt), because it is carried out in the space of loving awareness, which provides greater peace and well-being in our lives. It is based on the willingness to look at ourselves and to look with love, when we are hurting or feeling inappropriate.
Practice this look for yourself and your children, because you will be and You will be showing them the way of love, without saying a single word. And most importantly, healing the complicated situation that you are living at that moment, in a confident, serene and very loving way.
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